I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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