I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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