Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
