Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want a musical about memes.
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