saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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