I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
