I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
