I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
