and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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