I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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