i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
