Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
