just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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