It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
