Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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