All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
