So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
