so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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