He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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