I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
