If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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