No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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