No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
should my penis look like a turkey
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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