He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
