Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
