WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
