Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it fun? or sober?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
