I need help removing her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
