Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
