his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
True strength comes from lack of pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
