I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
