i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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