There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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