How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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