I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
