not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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