every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
