There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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