Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
