I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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