Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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