I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
