Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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