Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
