What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
