So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
