I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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