I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
