Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
