she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
