i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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