God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck appropriateness.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
