I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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