my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
